Off the Couch

by phoolishdreamer

Dear Son,

I know you’re still pretty upset about losing your job. It happens to all of us. Hell, it’s happened to me more than I want to count. (If your mother really knew how floundering I was with employment, you would not be here today.)

I don’t know what it is with kids nowadays that just sit on the couch watching Netflix or whatever the new streaming video site is, but you really need to do something other than drone away everyday. I mean, engage life and better yourself. Read a book. Watch a movie (outside of the house). Go exercise — I’ll go with you if you need to. Just stop moping on the damn couch.

The longer you stay on the couch, the more your mother is going to coddle you. That might seem great and all, but if you’re under my roof, you will earn your spot at the table and a bed to sleep in at night. I still have to take care of your baby sister, and that’s hard enough as it is. Now, I’m paying for your school loans and your mother’s school loans and saving for your sister’s school loans, on top of feeding everyone in the house and keeping the lights on.

Seriously, if I don’t see rent soon, I will kick you out. You can go live with your grandparents, who I’m sure would love to have you couch surf for a year or so. I should remind you that they live in the middle of nowhere, and that they farm for a living — eventually, you’ll have to carry your own weight.

I know it’s tough feeling like you’ve failed, but you have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back out there. Use that 140 IQ that got you through high school and college. You’re smart, so I guarantee you’ll find a job. It might not be what you want, and it may certainly be beneath you, but you have to put your ego aside and put your nose to the grindstone. Eventually, things will turn around in your favor.

Until then, please get off the damn couch. I want to watch ESPN sometime.